Some of you youngsters may never have seen one of these before. It’s called a rake. Before everyone looked like Ghostbusters and blasted the neighborhood peace away with their stupid, gas-guzzling, obnoxious leaf blowers (thanks neighbor across the backyard, who was leaf blowing THE WOODS for AN HOUR in the THE RAIN first thing this morning – idiot!), there were these things called rakes. You scrape the ground with them and they gather the leaves. Then, instead of blowing the leaves either (a) deeper into the woods (b) into the neighbors’ yard so that they can blow them back in a few days or (c) into the street to clog the gutters, you can gather the leaves into this thing called A COMPOST PILE or you can put them in PAPER LEAF BAGS and put them by the street so that the city can pick them up for mulching for these places called PARKS.
You can find these mysterious implements at places like Ace Hardware, Target, WalMart, Lowe’s, hell, CVS probably even has them this time of year. Let me know how it goes.