Aesthetics: Timeless Florida Rented Condo Decor
Posted on April 1st, 2008 by Becky
Today I want to address a ubiquitous decorating look. Let me put it into context. When my parents bought a small cottage on Cape Cod, it came with the furniture the former owners were not interested in keeping. One piece was an apricot ceramic seahorse that served as the base of a glass top table. I said “Mom, that is so Florida rented condo decor!”
AYE! CAPTAIN! You MUST have one of these to watch over…the remote…
So I’m in Florida this week to be a bridesmaid for the tenth time. I’m the worst bridesmaid ever; I’m not sure why people keep asking me to take part in their big days – I would not advise it. Anyway, when we rented this place, my friend tried to ask for one that looked nice, and the managers were excited to tell us that it had JUST been updated. I guess Florida Rental Condo decor has not changed since the 1970’s.
First of all, tables topped in window glass are NOT SAFE! Just ask Pat*, who somehow managed to impale his bum and slice open on his foot on this hot mess:
The injured party, sitting on upholstered cushions that look like they should be in an R.V., or an outdated doctor’s office:
Also, please note: Thick shag wall-to-wall carpeting and moldy hot weather on the beachfront do not make for a sweet smelling abode.
Here’s the “updated” seashell wallpaper complete with border and ornament I don’t know how to describe:
Of course, apricot popcorn-textured walls are always appropriate. Don’t forget the tropical itchy bedspreads!
This lamp, well, I just don’t know what to say, a picture’s worth a thousand words:
Finally, no Florida Rental Decor is complete without a menagerie of resin or ceramic local fauna:
Much as I love to laugh at this stuff, you really can’t beat the view, and I’d put up with some stinky carpet and some ugly interiors for this setting anytime! Alright, I’m off to play shuffleboard with a bunch of senior citizens I picked up at the Piggly Wiggly. Later!
*note to Pat:Â Sitting on a glass-topped table is not a good idea either.
Filed in Color Palettes | 9 Comments
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:47 pm (#)
I just got back from Costa Rica – Playa Ocotal in the Guanacaste Province – and we had very similar set of bric-a-brac there. Not surprisingly the rented condo where we stayed was owned by a woman from, you guessed it, Florida. They must have had a big damn sale. She added a whole lot of dusty fake plants (orchids mostly which was weird because it’s one of the only places I’ve ever been where real orchids grow right outside the door) as an extra bonus. She had six of the little captains on top of her kitchen cabinets. Again you couldn’t beat the view of the Pacific and the black sand beach so no complaints. Pura Vida.
April 4th, 2008 at 5:51 am (#)
[...] And because it’s always good to start the weekend with a laugh, a little post from Hatch on how not to decorate seaside-style! [...]
April 7th, 2008 at 4:35 am (#)
Good Lord, I’m glad that wasn’t my artwork in that condo, but it probably could have just as well been, oh well. hahaha
April 8th, 2008 at 9:44 am (#)
Why have one captain when you can have six? AYE!
April 10th, 2008 at 7:56 am (#)
my family has always called this “boat decorating” after we went to a boat show and noticed that every single luxury yacht was decorated in pastel, mid-80’s brush-stroke leatherette styles. the only thing your condo is missing is a selection of uncomfy rattan furniture.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 am (#)
This brings back hilarious memories of the decor “furnishing” my parents’ South Padre Island condo when it was purchased. My mom just decided to kind of work with it, prompting my father to use a word I didn’t know he knew–”ticky-tacky”. It is the first and last comment I’ve ever heard him pronounce about home furnishings ever.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:48 pm (#)
Ann, my dad says “yunkle” instead of ticky-tacky. I think it’s a blending of yuck and junk and that Harris “le” we tend to add to our ridiculous made-up words.
Boat decorating – I like it!
Every time I see a new comment on this post, I fear it’s the owner and I’ve hurt their feelings. But that’s karma for putting plate glass on a coffee table – NOT SAFE AT ALL! I would hate to see any toddlers staying in a place with such a cheap and dangerous element in the room!
Becky
July 7th, 2008 at 8:06 pm (#)
omigod… laughing… I sent this to joyce!
March 29th, 2009 at 9:52 pm (#)
LOL!!!, thats hilarous, if only i have that memories….
-denny