I had to tune in to Design Star on HGTV tonight.  It met all of my expectations…which were incredibly low, for the design quality anyway.  For those of you who don’t know, Design Star is a reality show where ten designers are vying for the grand prize of their very own TV show on HGTV.  It’s Project Runway but with rooms instead of outfits.  The thing is, I was always under the impression that HGTV just gives out shows to whoever wants one.  Is this prize really that sought-after or are these the only ten people who applied for a show this year?  meow.

What the show lacked in design talent, it made up for in drama and things that made me think snarky thoughts.  It’s so funny to watch all the contestants meet and act buddy buddy when you know they are really sizing up the competition and thinking about how to stab each other in the back.   Their first competition was to decorate their townhouse with $7500. 

There were a couple of standout contestants, at least in the drama department.   We had Donna , who claims she’s been an interior decorator for 20 years and is also a flight attendant.  She should have stuck with stewardessing.  Her entry room (pictured above) looked like she walked into Pier One blindfolded and  grabbed a bunch of random items in a total frenzy.  Then she went back to the entry room and placed them around the room while blindfolded.  Everytime they cut to Donna, she was  putting on enough hair spray to make another hole in the ozone layer.  The thing is, Donna would probably make a great HGTV hostess – she’s a bubbly friendly Texan with big blonde hair.  But, PSSSTT, Hey Donna! it’s "down to the wire," not "up to the wire."

Then there was Ramona, the token whackadoo .  Ramona calls herself a "found objects artist".  She finds things in other peoples’ garbage and "sells it for like 500 times what I paid for it."  Last time I checked, 500 x free (i.e. $0.00) = $0.00. Here’s a "sculpture" she created for the patio.  You be the judge:

Oh, and check out Ramona’s mural from the living room:

The patio boys were on the right track with the way they designed the walls, but the layout lacked imagination. In their defense, ditzy Donna took off with all the money when she went to the tchotchke shop and they were not able to get a thing done the first day.  That is why it had the halfway-done look.  That would have been such an easy space to make a standout statement for practically no money with objects like, I don’t know, an astroturf checkerboard and big red playground balls or something. 

Now the living room.  Is there anything special about this room whatsoever?  I thought it looked PATHETIC!  These people had a team of three and 24 hours.  it would have been better to leave the room empty and call it minimal.  Actually (and sadly), Ramona’s mural was the only thing in the room that didn’t look completely generic.

I should pause here and tell you about the judges.  One is Vern Yip* , the guy from Trading Spaces who always incorporated lucky bamboo in his designs, one is an editor from In Style, and finally, my favorite, Cynthia Rowley , who is a total rock star and has been an idol of mine for awhile. 

After suffering through the above-described spaces, the judges practically fell out of their chairs with ecstasy when they saw the bedrooms.  Though I will admit, the bedrooms were crisp and modern and looked good, their real advantage was the weak opening acts they followed. I mean, come on, all of us can design a room around a cool pillow as the "inspiration piece."  Give me a break.  I think the only person in the world incapable of this is Country Frank from Trading Spaces.  Oh, and all the people who designed the entryway and the living room for Design Star.  An aggressive chick named Vanessa pretty much stabbed her team in the back and took all of the credit for these rooms, and she acted like she had just painted the Sistine Chapel.

For those of you who think I am being too harsh, this is what people are begging for when they choose to do reality television.  Come discuss it more over at decor8!     

*Check out Vern Yip’s style tips .  They are basically telling you why a lot of these "designs" are such a mess and what could be done to fix them.