One night after Jay Allen raised his voice at his daughter, she shouted at him: “You’re not the boss of me! You’re not the boss of anybody! You’re the zero boss!” It became his handle around the household, and the name of his blog.

I’ll admit, there are days I stroll longingly past Ethan Allen with a long-suffering sigh, wishing we had nicer furniture. Our house is largely populated with what my wife calls “dorm-room furniture”: a tattered couch with a slip cover and a couple of beat-up chairs. What can I say? I’ve been prioritizing other things over new furniture for the past ten years – important parenting essentials, like a glider rocker and a steady supply of Bombay Sapphire.

For me, buying furniture holds all the appeal and excitement of oral surgery. Unless my ass cheeks sink to the floor when I sit down, I’ll ride out a defective couch much like I would an aching tooth. A fancy new Kitchenaid tabletop mixer? I’m all over that. A new davenport? Here’s my credit card, honey – just drug me and wake me up when it’s over.

I have made some large purchases over the past few years, though. The nicest piece of furniture in our house, not surprisingly, is in the girl’s room. Neve and Veda sleep in an awesome bunk bed we nabbed a few years back from a consignment store; the factory that manufactured it had just shuttered, and the bed was brand-spanking new – not so much as a scratch on its lacquered wood exterior. Mind you, taking it apart and hauling it home was a royal pain in the rumpus. But the labor was worth it. The girls have loved using it for the past two years. And I’ve loved showing it off to other parents, and bathing in the “oohs” and “aahs” of moms who wish they could trade in their cheap IKEA bunk beds for something so snazzy. (The dads, generally speaking, don’t care; if it can’t hold up to 1,000 addresses or show Monday Night Football in all its high-definition glory, they’re not interested. Maybe I’ll invite Greg over sometime – I know he’d appreciate it, at least.)

We’ve snagged some other nice furniture for the kiddos since the bunk bed, usually for a song. Jaxon has a nice new dresser, and Neve a snazzy new bookshelf and writing desk, courtesy of a family we found on Freecycle who had some stray furniture in need of a good home. But lately I’ve been thinking that it’s about time we grew up and bought some grown-up furniture. Personally, I’m lusting after this kick-ass workstation, which would be a better work surface than the tired old folding table on which our two computers, Otaku and Terri Schiavo, currently sit.

Besides, with the walls all marked up, the kids could use a new surface to draw on…

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