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Wednesday, August 10th, 2005

Work in Progress, Except for the “Progress” Part

Amy Storch, Amalah

Posted by Amy Storch, Amalah | View all posts by Amy Storch, Amalah
9 Comments » | Published in Baby Blogapalooza 2005, General, Nursery  |  9 Comments

Amy’s website Amalah chronicles her life and pregnancy. She has a very succinct description of her blog on her site, but we can’t reprint it here lest we be taken out by the FTC. Enjoy.

So I’m pregnant. Very good and pregnant. Due in eight weeks.

And I’ve been working very hard to create a warm and loving and peaceful environment for our son to come home to. Look! (click to enlarge)

Amalah's nursery nightmare

That’s the nursery. See the spackling I did? Done with love. And peace. And your standard third trimester hysterical nesting.

Things I Have Done:

1) Spackled, in case you did not notice the spackling.
2) Vacuumed my kitchen cabinets.
3) Vacuumed my throw pillows.
4) Organized all CDs alphabetically.
5) Organized medications in bathroom cabinet by possible side effects.
6) Thought seriously about re-grouting bathtub.
7) Realized that I do not know how to re-grout bathtub.
8) Bought primer, paint and a special ventilation-breathing-mask-thing for nursery.
9) Bought one of those fancy flushable toilet brush gadgets because honestly, how have I lived all these years with a traditional, germy toilet brush? How have I not even given its presence a second thought? Am I some kind ofsavage?
10) Read latest Harry Potter, thrown latest Harry Potter at wall.
11) See item #1.

Things I Have Not Done:

1) Everything else.

My mother-in-law is a professional Martha Stewart-type person, and has offered to paint and decorate the nursery with all sorts of whimsical woodland creatures and, I don’t know, a reproduction of the Sistine Chapel. Herself. As in, I do not have to do anything except watch my language and refrain discussing how I will never let her son ever see me naked again lest he DO THIS TO ME AGAIN WITH HIS DEMON SEED while she’s here.

"Just prime the walls and do the basecoat!" she told us.
"I’ll do the rest!"

The room is not painted. Or primed. But holes have been spackled! Look again at the nice spackle!

I have heard, from several different women, stories of painting and readying the nursery months in advance, only for some type of fit to be thrown over THE OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE WHAT-WERE-WE-THINKING PAINT COLOR, which leads to the entire room being re-painted the week before the baby is born.

Husband thinks: There is no way I am painting that damn room twice. I am not picking up a paintbrush until her water breaks.

Amy thinks: Holy God, we barely have enough time for one coat of paint, much less an entirely second coat when I freak out and change my mind. WE MUST PAINT THIS INSTANT SO I HAVE TIME TO HATE IT.

Then I usually lie down instead. Or attempt some other vital household project, like the organizing of photos from my 10th grade class trip to Spain into pretty photo boxes.

Obviously, painting isn’t the only thing the nursery needs. We need to clear out all the non-baby-related crap, like the ironing board.

When you live in a condo the size of a postage stamp, finding a new home for the ironing board is not easy, and you may actually get into fights about the ironing board, especially if you are Us.

"Where are we going to put the ironing board?"

(hysterical, wild-eyed silence)

"We’ll have to keep it in our bedroom somewhere."

"But where?"

"Somewhere!"

"It’ll be in the way if we just stick it somewhere."

"Well, MAYBE we’ll have to start behaving like GROWN-UPS WHO IRON THEIR CLOTHES BEFORE HANGING THEM UP AND WHO ALSO PUT THE STUPID IRONING BOARD AWAY WHEN THEY ARE NOT USING IT."

"STOP YELLING AT ME."

"I AM NOT YELLING."

The nursery also needs furniture, which we have not ordered, but we have gone to many stores and stared VERY HARD at various sets and taken brochures and nodded thoughtfully as helpful salespeople have shown us how to operate the drop-down side of various cribs.

Then the salespeople walk away and I try to lower the sides myself and never, ever can. I think I may have broken one at BabiesRUs by kicking it in frustration. THAT CRIB WAS MOCKING ME, PEOPLE. I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE.

You should have seen what I did to that &%$# bitch of a Bugaboo stroller.

Read more Amalah.

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Responses

  1. Zoot says:

    August 10th, 2005 at 11:20 am (#)

    In reality? All that matters is the spackling.

  2. maricar says:

    August 10th, 2005 at 11:42 am (#)

    Somehow I thought you meant spanking. I must be very very deprived.

  3. Amy says:

    August 10th, 2005 at 12:19 pm (#)

    Clearly, this is all Jason’s fault. You are pregnant! Cannot be expected to be rational!Ironing boards cannot live just anyplace. You must find a deserving home for it. Maybe it’s time to consider ironing board foster care?

  4. Jomama says:

    August 10th, 2005 at 12:20 pm (#)

    My husband and I had the same iron/ironing board argument. We still don’t know where to put it.

  5. Laura GF says:

    August 10th, 2005 at 1:38 pm (#)

    Seriously, you do not need to do a thing with the nursery right away. At least as far as the baby is concerned. You could tackle the project months from now. The only problem is that months from now you will be a) sleep deprived, b) spending every waking moment with the baby, not a paintbrush, c) completely apathetic about the nursery because, hello — when you have not actually showered for three days straight who cares about a perfectly matchy nursery? Or possibly d) all of the above.

    You are fabulous and it will all work out. Could you enlist someone else to do the primer and basecoat? Possibly in exchange for babysitting? Because that would be the best of both worlds — you would not have to paint, you would get practice time with a baby, and your friends would have time away from the baby (which seriously, I would paint a room right now just to have a wee break) and the satisfaction of doing a good deed. Winners!

  6. cate says:

    August 10th, 2005 at 5:00 pm (#)

    Our ironing board is always out. It’s in front of the counter of our kitchen (our condo has the kitchen and living room as one room, essentially separated by previously mentioned counter). It’s been out so long that it’s basically a permanent extention to the counter. Each time I finally clean off the counter of mail and junk I put the board away. And I get proud of myself. Then I wake up the next morning to see that my husband has taken it out and put it right back where it was because he clearly played some aggressive sport in his shirt just so he would have to iron it and take out the board again. But at least I don’t have to iron for him.

  7. Kelly says:

    August 10th, 2005 at 6:11 pm (#)

    Our ironing board lives in the “walk-in” closet of our bedroom (“walk-in” because it’s the width of the door and clothes and tiny tiny tiny). I’ve seriously considered getting on of those fold-down-from-the-wall sorts and decorating the outside part to look like fancy expensive art or something. ;)

  8. honestyrain says:

    August 11th, 2005 at 7:33 am (#)

    once you’ve spackled you’re like, what, half way there? the rest is nothing. spackling is the bitch and you’ve managed that. and the furniture. ah, what furniture. put the kid in bed with you. leave the ironing board where it is and fuhgetaboutit.

  9. Tracy says:

    August 11th, 2005 at 11:34 am (#)

    honey! ditch the iron! who has the time or the concern? i had a lot of fun trashing the heck out of my ironing board and my iron lives a happy solitary life in my linen closet buried under old towels.

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